I’m reconsidering my actions.
I’m thinking if I should make it up with him.
No, I’m not gonna go back to him. He hurt me that much, I won’t come back to him anymore.
What I mean is that I think I should make the cold and bitter feelings fly away soon. I can’t stand being cold anymore. Oh, you don’t know what I mean.
I’m this good pretender, always succeeding with my pretenses. I pretend because I don’t want people bugging me with questions I would so much prefer to ignore. But since I’m good-hearted in nature, I don’t shove people off and tell them to mind their own business. I’m polite enough to tell them what they want to hear. Sadly, most of them don’t know what is “Drop it, I don’t want to talk about it”, that’s why I have to pretend.
So that’s the thing, I’ve been pretending that we’re okay. I’m tired of pretending. I’m tired of going cold to him in an instant coz he annoys me. But I can’t ignore him, coz he will bug me more. So I thought of telling him what I really feel. Though I don’t think he’s ready. But when will he be ready? When there’s no more, not even a flicker of light from the friendship we had, to save? When I’ve had enough, where he’ll be more hurt than ever? So I think telling him soon is for the better. At least, I think it is for the better.
Yes, I always screw things up with my thought-a-hundred-times-decisions-but-still-screws-up decisions, but this time, I’m ready for the screwing part. I’m more after the peace my decision holds, not its risks. I’ve risked myself enough. I’m tired.