just not there yet

Okay so I got another guy fall into my trap again. But of course, I really didn’t build any trap. I seriously don’t know why they keep falling. I’m just an ordinary girl living and loving my life. I don’t even have suitors, because I don’t allow anyone to. I just don’t have time for that right now.

He’s… sweet. That’s the first word I thought of that describes him. He makes me happy. He makes me laugh. He always makes me tummy satisfied. He understands me and my perceptions towards things.  He’s very determined. He gives me all his time and attention. He’s always there to take care of me. He makes me feel secured. He gives me butterflies.

But… he doesn’t make me feel blissful yet. That kind where I would just wish I could stop time. He’s too understanding that he doesn’t fail to make me feel guilty every time I bail on him. He’s too determined that I’m afraid to know how much I’ll hurt him. He gives me too much of his time that I feel like his world only spins for me, even though he can still do a lot on his own. He gives me butterflies, but only until that. No lasting sparks, where I feel like this crazy in love girl, or the I-don’t-care-about-anything-because-all-I-know-is-I’m-in-love-with-him thing, nope. Nothing.

I’m still unsure if I’ll ever feel something more than this with him. But I do know I’m starting to feel afraid for him, because he’s officially having unrequited love now. He does have a chance though, but it’s like we’re stuck. So maybe we’ll still see where this goes.

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