I’m in deep shit. I’m feeling something. Or maybe I’m just feeling like this because I spent half of my day with him today. Maybe this will pass tomorrow. But what if it doesn’t? This can’t continue, when I just told him to keep distance and lie low. This can’t continue because I have to keep my word.
Or maybe it can. But I haven’t figured out yet how. I don’t want to assure him. It may lead to expectations and it may lead to disappointments. I have to stop this. Stop my happiness? Because I do know I’m happy when I’m with him. I do know my mood lightens up. But there’s a lot to risk. Maybe I can risk it, but I don’t think I can now. Everything’s still too complicated. I’m only one, against everything. It’s a good thing he always understands, but I wonder until when he’ll understand and wait.