having second thoughts?

Sometimes, I wonder how I fell in love with him. Or if I really fell in love with him. Maybe it’s just attraction, infatuation, or a strong feeling. He gets jealous of the way me and my friends can talk for long awful hours, and we can’t. I wondered why we can’t and wasn’t able to figure it out. But now I know.

Unbelievably, I can’t spill my out-of-the-blue whatnots on him. It’s either he ignores it, or misleads the conversation, or just kills the topic. It makes me sad, that when I thought I finally found someone, that someone can’t even listen to what I have to say. It’s not that he never listens, it’s just that sometimes when I have random things to say he just shuts it out. And I don’t know but I think he’s kinda narcissistic in his own sort of way. I don’t think we ever shared comfortable silence because it’s like he’s bothered when I’m not talking. I don’t know what’s wrong with that but I know people sometimes have this feeling that they want to savor every moment which sometimes requires concentration and silence.

It gets tiring, or maybe it’s the disappointments that get tiring. I don’t know if this is how things are supposed to be, but I always thought that people who always contradict connect because they listen to each other and that’s how they survive. I don’t know how long I can keep up with this. It’s like I’m starting to see his different side because we haven’t seen each other for weeks. I’m still hoping that all of this is just the result of the problems we’ve individually encountered and all our bad days. But really, I’m not sure.

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