helpless and going blind

I hope I know what’s wrong with me lately. I feel like I’m lacking motivation. But now is not the time because right now is the time where I need it the most. One theory I have as to why I’m feeling like this is because I’m disappointed. Maybe for a lot of things.

  1. I don’t want to regret my decision as to who my thesis mates are now
  2. First requirement, and I failed to pass all that was needed
  3. I feel like I disappointed my thesis adviser as early as this moment
  4. I feel like I’m disappointed with myself because I have set my goals, yet I continue to fail them, feeling like I can’t achieve them as early as this moment

Feeling like this, like a failure, you’ll just lose the push to keep going. It’s like the fighting spirit’s not there anymore. And even though there are other people out there who are willing to help, you just know that it’s nonsense if you can’t even help yourself. I feel like I lost the will to fight. And all the responsibilities I have come down, and here I am tired of carrying all the weight. Feeling alone. Feeling helpless. I don’t know what to do. How to push myself back on track. The loneliness is creeping up, slowly devouring the lights left on my line of sight, leaving me blind.


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