How sure and not sure about doubts

Sometimes, I wonder when I’ll meet the guy whom I’ll take a risk for. The guy who’ll make me ready to not hold back. The guy worth fighting for. Sometimes, I think my kind of guy doesn’t exist, then I’ll tell myself ‘maybe I won’t meet him ’til I’m 25 or so.’ When will I meet the guy that I’ll be so sure of?

There’s this guy right now that I’m hot n cold with. Sometimes, I like him. Sometimes, I don’t. But his feelings don’t waver  though. My bestfriend doesn’t like him, always tells me why not stop the nonsense and leave him be (whenever I whine to him about the guy), constantly asks me what I saw in that guy.

Then we were talking about HIMYM earlier. And he said I’m like Robin, career-driven afraid of commitments. And it just occurred to me, a reason why I’m still keeping that guy at bay, why I can’t let him go while it’s still early for further heartbreaks and so.

Because maybe, it’s this thing with him, that he made me take a risk. Even though there are a lot more gentlemanly, swoon worth, romantic guys out there, I’m still here not-so-stuck with him. He makes me believe in the idea of happily-ever-afters and laugh in the cheesiest of gestures. He changed for me when I almost left him. Even though I know he doesn’t understand how important some things are for me, like concerts, bands, thesis, and my perceptions and opinions about the smallest to the biggest things in the world, he just goes with it. EVEN THOUGH I WOULD SO MUCH LOVE TO HAVE A DEEP CONVERSATION WITH HIM ABOUT THESE THINGS. But he changed. Sometimes I still don’t believe he did, like I’m always looking for a hole in the whole ‘change’ facade, there’s none but improvement.

I know how much he loves me. But sometimes, I wonder until when. Because this feeling, that someone loves you so much even though you don’t give it back, this is too good to be true.


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