I need directions

What is it with long showers that make you think and realize certain things? Because they had always made me clear my head and think straight, just like earlier.

What happened? I’m kind of used to that question lately.

What happened to you? What happened to goals? What happened to words?

What happened to me? What happened to my goals? What happened to my words? What happened to my judgment? What happened to the things I stand for?

What happened to us?

Sadly, I’m slipping away. Slowly. I said I’ll try. I’m trying. That’s why I’m thinking of having some me time. Because, I’m still hoping I’d see some light again, some reason to hold on. Maybe I’d be able to think clearly again, but alone this time. Because before I fix us, I need to fix me first.

I got lost. I’m still lost. I can’t find my way back. If you want to help, well maybe that’s good, but I want to find my way back by myself. Because sadly, you were one of the reasons why I got lost. Maybe it’s okay for some change in life, but for mine, it’s not the right time for changes.

I lost my judgment. I was always weak in judging, because I always see the good in everything and I’m always too good, too kind, that people tend to use me and abuse my kindness. It’s rare that I say no, because I like helping people and seeing them pleased or happy that sometimes, they use it as an advantage. Let’s just say that sometimes, I can be a pushover.

Judgment, well I used to know the difference between right from wrong. I used to stand firm on the things I believed in. I used to have conviction on the words I say. Well, I lost that.

I was firm on my goals. Worked hard for them. But somehow, I feel like sometimes, they’re so far, so out of reach. I never thought of my goals that way before, because I know I can reach my goals with hard work and dedication, until lately, when they had been slipping out of my grasp, leaving me blind in the dark seeking for light.

I don’t want to do this, because I don’t want to see you sad. I thought about this a lot of times. But I really need to deal with myself first.


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