‘Final journal entry’

I’ve always loved the power behind words. They have the power to control someone, like how it can control me. Words have always helped me express my emotions, and have always guided me in this path I’m taking. I’ve heard and read different kinds of words coming from different kinds of emotions, but my favorites are the ones that inspire, motivate, the ones that give you afterthoughts, and most especially the ones that come from God.

Throughout the whole semester, I have this one image quote that I used as a desktop wallpaper for my laptop so that whenever I feel down or tired of everything, I’ll just take a look at it and remember the reason why I have to stand up and continue fighting.

“I’m not telling you it’s going to be easy, I’m telling you it’s going to be worth it.”

The semester had been full of ups and downs. Mostly, we got stuck longer in the ‘downs’, but the ‘ups’ gave a stronger and fuller feeling of relief and happiness even if they don’t last that long. It didn’t matter that we get stuck on the down side though, as long as we feed on the happiness that the up side gave and keep a mental note that after the down side, everything will be worth it in the end. Surviving thesis will be worth it in the end.

I can say that sometime along the way, I said “I hate thesis”, because with thesis comes sacrifices, rejections, hopelessness, stress, and some kind of depression. Other people even said thesis can break friendship and relationships. Sometimes, you might find yourself looking for people to blame about the bad things happening, but in my case, most of the time I just blame myself. Because it’s just in my nature that when I start to blame other people, I find myself blaming myself and looking for my shortcomings. I tell myself, “It’s my fault for not telling my thesismates to do this or that”, or “it’s my fault for not being able to manage our time right”, or “it’s my fault for not being a strict leader”, or worse, “it’s my fault for being too considerate of my thesismates’ excuses and being too kind and not telling them how I feel.” In times like these, I just devote my time to our thesis and tell myself, “you just gotta make sacrifices because maybe they don’t want this as bad as you do.” Since I was first year, I already set my goal to graduating with honors. And so far, I survived. But when thesis came and I saw how ‘attention-seeking’ it was, I realized that maybe I devoted too much time in it that I was not aware I am already unintentionally neglecting my other subjects. Thankfully, I saw the outcome as early as Prelim grading, so I immediately exerted double effort on everything. With double efforts, the sacrifices and stress were doubled also. The depression was also doubled when the thought that all the hard work from the previous semesters will be wasted, and I will not be able to graduate with honors as promised to my parents. The negativity almost swallowed me, but I still managed to get up. With God’s will, I have to get up. For my parents, I have to get up. For everything I almost lost and worked hard for, I have to get up. Because everything will be worth it in the end.

If thesis was easy, students won’t learn and students won’t be competitive. Education will be not effective and will be wasted. Just like this, life is not easy. When was life ever easy? You can describe life as complicated, unfair, hard, but never easy. Because in my perspective, if life is easy for you, then you’re not really living life. Life is about learning, and with learning, there’s growing. If things are spoon-fed to you, then all you’ll ever learn is how to depend on others. You should learn to stand up on your own, because in this world we live in, nothing is permanent except change. People will come and go, and if all your life you depended on people, then you’ll get left behind. You have to be strong, because if you’re weak in this world, you won’t survive. You have to be patient, because you should remember that even the world was not built in one day. You have to have faith that you can survive the challenges. You have to have faith in God, and remember that He will never ever leave you and He will never ever give you anything you can’t handle.

Life may be hard, but there will always be the feeling of satisfaction, joy, and relief whenever all the hardships are done and you were able to overcome and surpass all of them. You’ll feel stronger, braver, and wiser because from the hardship you were able to grow and learn. The hardships may pull you down, but if you are up for the challenge, you’ll become a better person after if you just don’t give in and don’t give up. Remember that the world was not built in one day, and the world was first full of darkness before it had light. You don’t have to be alone, you can always ask for help. All of the sacrifices will be worth it in the end, because better things will be coming.

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