Love vs. Labels

I don’t even know how to start.

It’s been more than a year since you and me became something special. I don’t know what’s with me and relationships, but it seems like I’m designed for the no commitment thing, last time intentionally, but this time unintentionally.

I never really got why you’re not ready to court me. You waited for me to give you a chance for almost 4 years and when I was finally gonna give it to you, you’re not ready. I was okay with it though, we’re happy even if we don’t have a label. We had a good foundation of friendship that’s why even though we’re in love with each other, it’s still like college, only with a few add-ons of holding hands, affection, hugging, and etc.

I must say, last time I blogged something so long, it was about The One That Got Away. But I think, he is not The One That Got Away, because I haven’t loved anyone more than I loved you. Well, so far. And well, at least, when we told each other that we want to be each other’s other half, for the first time, I was sure I want you to be the one waiting for me at the end of the aisle.

You were the most unexpected love. For 4 years, I really thought of you as a really good friend and more like a brother only because you were always there whenever I need somebody. You were also always there, just there, even when I don’t need you. I know you felt friendzoned and I was so sorry for it. I never really gave you a chance those years while I was giving others theirs. And then, suddenly, things changed and feelings changed. I wasn’t ready to fall in love just yet because I was still recovering, but then suddenly, I was ready to take a risk, because with you, I always felt secure. Always. And so we took the plunge.

How am I going to describe what we have?

You tell me I’m precious, and to me you’re just as precious. You, my love, are my match from the similarities to the most differences. I found my match with regards to testing my patience, temper, and understanding, and because of our differences, I’m learning a lot, and thank you so much. I was always independent, but you’re the only person I can be dependent on. Like as much as possible, I will just depend on you, and that’s just how much I trust you, and how much I trust you taking care of me. From the very beginning, you accepted me, and now that you have learned my flaws, you still accepted and understood me. I have more to learn from you more than you from me, because you’re a complicated introvert, and I don’t know why I still love you for it. Maybe it’s because learning more from you makes me love you even more too.

This is scary, loving you this much. I have this feeling that I’m starting to love you more than you love me. I have went so far out of my way to make this work, and it scares me that if we still end up on different roads one day, I’ll be so lost I don’t know where to go after separation. It also scares me that in truth, I don’t really have a concrete hold on you, because in real life, you’re not actually mine and I’m not actually yours. I think that’s the privilege of having a label, something we don’t have.

Trying to pull off this LDR thing is hard. Getting paranoid over no-received-text-all-day, unreplied seen messages, no calls, not being able to see each other, not being able to talk anymore…. How did we drift so far apart? We were okay, and then we were not. I tried reaching out, but I felt ignored. I felt pushed away. And then you said we had other stuff to be busy about unlike before, so I respected that. And then there were lesser texts in a week, usually they don’t even make a good conversation, just texts/chats, and then I felt the need to stop because I felt like I was only bugging you. Bugging someone who obviously don’t want to talk, don’t want to be bothered.

I’ve always been the overthinker, but I can’t help it. I’ve been ignoring the obvious signs, but until when? Until when will I keep on fooling myself? Until when will I make myself believe that we’re okay and this is normally what we’re like?

It sucks, the feeling of all this time I thought I knew you but maybe I really don’t. Or did things just change? All I want are answers, but until when will I wait for them? What happened to us?

I’m still hoping we can solve this. I’m still hoping it’s still you and me at the end of the road. I’m still hoping you finally reach out and tell me stuff. I’m still hoping we don’t have to regret anything. I’m still hoping we fix this before it’s too late.

Here Is The Sign You’ve Been Waiting For

YES EXACTLY

Thought Catalog

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Here is what I know for sure: Now is not the right time to do that thing you’ve been waiting to do.

But of course you already knew that. If you didn’t, you would not be home reading this link – you would be out in the field, Doing The Thing. Out relishing in it. Out tasting it. You’d be wrapped up in the glorious bliss of having Done The Thing and you’d have no time for articles that mull over the maybes and should-I’s that come along with not knowing what to do. But alas, here we are – in the depths of your basement (or perhaps on your phone on the bus), actively not Doing The Thing, because the timing is wrong.

“Except here’s the unfortunate truth: The stars aren’t going to align. Not for you. Not for this thing. If you keep waiting for the right time…

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95 Books That Changed My Perspective On Life And Love

Thought Catalog

ShutterstockShutterstock

Books have been my best friend for as long as I can remember. Since then, they have been my escape from reality. Books are like magic. The way I feel when I read books is indescribable. I’m a different person, in a different place, in a different time with different people. I know many people feel the same way too.

But the only books I really like to read are YA Romance books. They’re portals that take me to a whole different dimension. One where I’ve done things I haven’t even dared to do and I’ve been to places I have never even visited before simply just by reading words on a few pages. But the best is feeling things I haven’t felt before. Like the happiness I feel when characters in the book end up together, or the sadness I feel because of a loss that was simply…

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When You Think You Miss Him, This Is What You’re Actually Missing

Thought Catalog

Mateus Lunardi DutraMateus Lunardi Dutra

You can still feel his touch when you close your eyes. It was dry and coarse but it warmed you. You yearn for the comfort that came with the feeling of his fingertips running down your back.

You want to feel his hand pressed against yours one more time, if only to ensure it feels exactly the way you remember it. You want to see if he’d still instinctively interlace his fingers with yours, like he used to.

You want to feel the way you used to. You want to feel that safe again.

You miss the way his eyes drank you in and how when they widened they silently spoke a promise to never hurt you.

Remembering a time before you’d ever been hurt is comforting, because things were easier then. It was a time before you realized you were capable of falling for someone, hard…

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The one that got away

the one that got awayThis is a letter to you who made my 2014 a roller coaster ride. You were never mine as I was never yours, but we always knew our stand even though we always tell others we’re friends, and tell each other that we’re friends, because we’re obviously not. But I think we’ve reached the end of our undefined relationship, and even though we had our ups and downs, I’m grateful for the 10 months I got to spend with you. And if I’m not mistaken, I think we just had our closure earlier. I honestly feel happy and sad about it. Happy, because I think you finally understood what I was trying to say the past week. Sad, because I think you’re going to be “The One That Got Away.”

Let me say my sorry’s first. I’m sorry, because I was too confused all the time. I’m sorry because I was weak. I’m sorry because I didn’t fight, and I didn’t fight beside you. I’m sorry because I always doubted. I’m sorry because I lost trust. I’m sorry I made you watch 500 days of Summer, I didn’t know you’ll get so sad about it. I’m sorry I talk alien sometimes, like when I tell you things you don’t understand because I may be talking dorky. I’m sorry for all the times we didn’t get to hang out and for the times I bailed on you because I’m always busy. I’m sorry because I expected and dreamt of a future with you even though we’re both clearly aware that that kind of future is not gonna happen any sooner which left us wanting and disappointed in the end. I’m sorry because I was always the one who created issues and such.

Thank you, because you made my 2014 different. You gave it something as beautiful as fireworks and dangerous as explosions. You gave me butterflies, teddy bears, and something as terrifying as the feeling of being a cub lost in the wilderness. Most of the time we’re like kids, sometimes we’re ninjas, while others we’re just teens being sweet and cheesy and all. Thank you because until the end you were strong and willing to fight. You didn’t give up. You kept a strong hold even though I was so ready to slip and let go. You were still there even though I was already pushing you away. You didn’t leave me alone with my own darkness when it was consuming me. You still believed we can fix everything even though I had nothing but the tiniest bit of faith left.

But maybe we were the right love at wrong time. Everything about us was about wrong timing. We were the ‘almost’. Almost made it. Almost okay. Almost. Even my sister earlier said, “almost”, when she was asked by my uncle earlier if I had a boyfriend. Maybe we were too young, too raw, too fragile. We were always testing the waters and lost staring in constellations that we got stuck and forgot to grow. We were always running in circles that we never meet, only when someone stops to take a breath and someone catches up, but in the end it was always a loop.

You might be “The One That Got Away”, because you understood me in a way that no one has ever understood me. You know how my complicated twisted mind works. You know me so well that even in texts, you know something’s wrong with me. You listen to my never ending rants and stay with me when I’m grumpy and stressed. You’re patient, sweet, and caring. You made me believe that there’s someone out there who won’t give up on me and won’t leave me even if I’m pushing him away. You made me take a risk.

But I have to let go. Because I’m in a complicated situation, and we’re also in a complicated situation. As we both said, if it’s us in the end, then it’s us. If it’s really us, sometime we’ll meet again when the time is right. And what we had will be a lesson for both of us. For now, we have to grow first, and then maybe in future rebuild what we had in a steady ground.

 

11 Google Tricks That Will Change the Way You Search

TIME

Google Search’s learning curve is an odd one. You use it every day, but still all you know is how to search. But the search engine has plenty of tricks up its sleeve.

Here’s an overview of some of the most useful Google search tricks, from basic tips to new features just recently released.

1. Use quotes to search for an exact phrase.

This one’s a well-known, simple trick: searching a phrase in quotes will yield only pages with the same words in the same order as what’s in the quotes. It’s one of the most vital search tips, especially useful if you’re trying to find results containing a specific a phrase.

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2. Use an asterisk within quotes to specify unknown or variable words.

Here’s a lesser known trick: searching a phrase in quotes with an asterisk replacing a word will search all variations of that phrase. It’s…

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20 Things You Should Know About Dating An Independent Girl

yup

Thought Catalog

1. We need alone time. A little each day and more than a little on other days. It doesn’t mean we’ve lost interest in you.

2. We don’t mind if you don’t call or text us every second. We like it. We won’t be contacting you either. That said, if you’re late, don’t keep us guessing as to when you’ll show up as we’ll make other plans.

3. We can clean up our own messes. We’re not waiting around for you to fix our problems.

4. We are perfectly fine doing chores, running errands, and exercising by ourselves. If you want to join us, we’re glad to have you along, but don’t talk to us while we’re in the zone.

5. We sign up and attend charity events, races, and cultural exhibits on our own. We don’t need a date to feel comfortable at these things. Set us loose in…

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