5 Reasons Why You Can’t Get Over Your Almost-Relationship

perfect

Thought Catalog

1. There’s no closure.

Humans crave closure. There’s an inherent desire for it — all the stories we never learn the endings to, the movies we never finish, the seasons of TV shows that leave us with more questions than answers so we turn to blogs and the internet to vent our frustration. We need closure in order to shelve things in our head and move on. But when you don’t get closure — when they drop off the face of the earth or suddenly spring a new significant other on social media —what do you do?

It’s hard to create your own closure, to grasp for signs that really don’t mean anything at all but to which we assign meaning. And it might seem ridiculous at first, like believing in magic or fairies, but sometimes, it’s the only thing we can do. We have to find meaning where there…

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18 Lessons I Am Glad I Learned By 18

Being 18

Thought Catalog

Screen Shot 2014-06-11 at 11.16.37 AM

1. Make no apologies for you who you are, so long as who you are is not hurting anyone else.

2. Never take the privilege of an education for granted. You are in a position many of those who have the ability yet not the means are envious of. You owe it to the world to do something great with the gift of the opportunities an education brings.

3. You need people. Everyone needs people. The world is a big, scary, and confusing place at times. No one can make it through life entirely on their own. Sometimes we all need a little help.

4. Forgive people not for their sake, but for yours. Holding a grudge is a waste of perfect happiness. You cannot control the hurtful actions of others but you can choose how long you allow those careless actions to have power over you and your happiness…

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Consistently inconsistent

I wish my feelings for him are not so consistent with inconsistency. He deserves full attention, but I can’t. I don’t know why I don’t feel consistent deep attraction with him. I don’t know if it’s because of the things we’ve been through, or the things I don’t like are more dominant than the things I like, or the trust that was almost lost, or I’m just too busy with other things that I haven’t got the chance to try give him that 100% attention, or there really is just something missing, like some spark that will finally ignite a bigger fire.

This inconsistency always makes me doubt everything he’s ever done for me and his feelings for me. Like, this inconsistency will always be the bomb that will blow everything off in an instant, no matter how much and how big has been built already. Makes me sad, that as I weigh my feelings for him with this ‘inconsistency’, the one that always weighs more is the feeling that I’m only giving him attention because he makes me feel loved, and I like the feeling of being loved, but not the feeling of his love. Like, it would be much better that his love makes my world go crazy, but instead I haven’t felt like that yet. Like, all this time, I just like it that someone’s giving me undivided attention, but it’s also like, if it were someone else giving me that attention, I’m not sure if it would matter. To make this long narrative short, I don’t think I’m feeling something like love for him yet. I think this is only infatuation. And it makes me sad, because if this continues, then I think I’m just fooling myself and him. I hope it doesn’t. I hope everything I’ve risked for will be worth it, because if not, it will be sad for me, but it will be misery for him.

An update

It’s been what, 8 months since we first met. And you’re still waiting. I still can’t help but wonder until when you’ll wait and until when this is gonna last. We’ve already had our resets for like 3, or maybe 4 times, I think. Those times I almost gave up, but you held on and told me to keep trying. And I did. And we got better, one time we got worse, but the ‘better’ part was still dominant.

Sometimes, you wonder about my thoughts. I don’t tell you everything, and you know that. But now, I’m sharing to you a glimpse of some I often think about.

What is the silver lining here? Will everything be worth it in the end? Are you really different from others, or are there others better than you? Are you really deserving? What awaits us in the end? What if all this is just something we imagined, and stayed better being imaginary? What if we don’t have something lasting? What if in the end, we realize that all we had was just some attraction or infatuation of some kind, and not some love that we thought we built and had?

I’m scared. I’m scared I’ll feel too much I won’t be able to handle it, because if I won’t be able to I’m sure I’ll push you away. I’m scared that when I start to feel too much that’s the time you’ll leave me too.

All in all, I just want you to know that I will always respect whatever your decision may be.

‘Final journal entry’

I’ve always loved the power behind words. They have the power to control someone, like how it can control me. Words have always helped me express my emotions, and have always guided me in this path I’m taking. I’ve heard and read different kinds of words coming from different kinds of emotions, but my favorites are the ones that inspire, motivate, the ones that give you afterthoughts, and most especially the ones that come from God.

Throughout the whole semester, I have this one image quote that I used as a desktop wallpaper for my laptop so that whenever I feel down or tired of everything, I’ll just take a look at it and remember the reason why I have to stand up and continue fighting.

“I’m not telling you it’s going to be easy, I’m telling you it’s going to be worth it.”

The semester had been full of ups and downs. Mostly, we got stuck longer in the ‘downs’, but the ‘ups’ gave a stronger and fuller feeling of relief and happiness even if they don’t last that long. It didn’t matter that we get stuck on the down side though, as long as we feed on the happiness that the up side gave and keep a mental note that after the down side, everything will be worth it in the end. Surviving thesis will be worth it in the end.

I can say that sometime along the way, I said “I hate thesis”, because with thesis comes sacrifices, rejections, hopelessness, stress, and some kind of depression. Other people even said thesis can break friendship and relationships. Sometimes, you might find yourself looking for people to blame about the bad things happening, but in my case, most of the time I just blame myself. Because it’s just in my nature that when I start to blame other people, I find myself blaming myself and looking for my shortcomings. I tell myself, “It’s my fault for not telling my thesismates to do this or that”, or “it’s my fault for not being able to manage our time right”, or “it’s my fault for not being a strict leader”, or worse, “it’s my fault for being too considerate of my thesismates’ excuses and being too kind and not telling them how I feel.” In times like these, I just devote my time to our thesis and tell myself, “you just gotta make sacrifices because maybe they don’t want this as bad as you do.” Since I was first year, I already set my goal to graduating with honors. And so far, I survived. But when thesis came and I saw how ‘attention-seeking’ it was, I realized that maybe I devoted too much time in it that I was not aware I am already unintentionally neglecting my other subjects. Thankfully, I saw the outcome as early as Prelim grading, so I immediately exerted double effort on everything. With double efforts, the sacrifices and stress were doubled also. The depression was also doubled when the thought that all the hard work from the previous semesters will be wasted, and I will not be able to graduate with honors as promised to my parents. The negativity almost swallowed me, but I still managed to get up. With God’s will, I have to get up. For my parents, I have to get up. For everything I almost lost and worked hard for, I have to get up. Because everything will be worth it in the end.

If thesis was easy, students won’t learn and students won’t be competitive. Education will be not effective and will be wasted. Just like this, life is not easy. When was life ever easy? You can describe life as complicated, unfair, hard, but never easy. Because in my perspective, if life is easy for you, then you’re not really living life. Life is about learning, and with learning, there’s growing. If things are spoon-fed to you, then all you’ll ever learn is how to depend on others. You should learn to stand up on your own, because in this world we live in, nothing is permanent except change. People will come and go, and if all your life you depended on people, then you’ll get left behind. You have to be strong, because if you’re weak in this world, you won’t survive. You have to be patient, because you should remember that even the world was not built in one day. You have to have faith that you can survive the challenges. You have to have faith in God, and remember that He will never ever leave you and He will never ever give you anything you can’t handle.

Life may be hard, but there will always be the feeling of satisfaction, joy, and relief whenever all the hardships are done and you were able to overcome and surpass all of them. You’ll feel stronger, braver, and wiser because from the hardship you were able to grow and learn. The hardships may pull you down, but if you are up for the challenge, you’ll become a better person after if you just don’t give in and don’t give up. Remember that the world was not built in one day, and the world was first full of darkness before it had light. You don’t have to be alone, you can always ask for help. All of the sacrifices will be worth it in the end, because better things will be coming.

I need directions

What is it with long showers that make you think and realize certain things? Because they had always made me clear my head and think straight, just like earlier.

What happened? I’m kind of used to that question lately.

What happened to you? What happened to goals? What happened to words?

What happened to me? What happened to my goals? What happened to my words? What happened to my judgment? What happened to the things I stand for?

What happened to us?

Sadly, I’m slipping away. Slowly. I said I’ll try. I’m trying. That’s why I’m thinking of having some me time. Because, I’m still hoping I’d see some light again, some reason to hold on. Maybe I’d be able to think clearly again, but alone this time. Because before I fix us, I need to fix me first.

I got lost. I’m still lost. I can’t find my way back. If you want to help, well maybe that’s good, but I want to find my way back by myself. Because sadly, you were one of the reasons why I got lost. Maybe it’s okay for some change in life, but for mine, it’s not the right time for changes.

I lost my judgment. I was always weak in judging, because I always see the good in everything and I’m always too good, too kind, that people tend to use me and abuse my kindness. It’s rare that I say no, because I like helping people and seeing them pleased or happy that sometimes, they use it as an advantage. Let’s just say that sometimes, I can be a pushover.

Judgment, well I used to know the difference between right from wrong. I used to stand firm on the things I believed in. I used to have conviction on the words I say. Well, I lost that.

I was firm on my goals. Worked hard for them. But somehow, I feel like sometimes, they’re so far, so out of reach. I never thought of my goals that way before, because I know I can reach my goals with hard work and dedication, until lately, when they had been slipping out of my grasp, leaving me blind in the dark seeking for light.

I don’t want to do this, because I don’t want to see you sad. I thought about this a lot of times. But I really need to deal with myself first.

17 Things To Expect When You Date A Girl Who’s Used To Being On Her Own

RELATE. A LOT.

Thought Catalog

1. Expect her to do her own thing often and without letting you know, at least at first. It’s not that you don’t matter; it’s just that she’s learned to love doing what she wants, when she wants, and without asking permission or informing anyone.

2. She’ll probably want to take things slowly because she’ll not be used to all the attention. Don’t think she doesn’t like you enough, she probably likes you a lot; it’s just all new to her.

3. Expect her friends to be overprotective of her and to be suspicious of you at first. They’re not used to her being with someone and they’ll want to make sure you’re the kind of guy who will treat her well.

4. She’ll have a hard time letting you do things for her. Try not to take this personally. She’s just used to taking care of herself and it’ll…

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